I have learned that it is impossible to see into another person's heart and mind just from looking at the person's face. Too many of us, me included, will see someone with what we perceive to be a grumpy face, and jump to conclusions about what that person is communicating. It happened again today, to someone who is the nicest person - smart, caring, and thoughtful - but has a natural scowly face. Another person thought Scowly was giving her the "evil eye." When I figured out who she meant, I just had to laugh. No way! This happens to my sister a lot, too. She is an intense person and "listens very hard" when people are speaking to her. It makes her appear angry, and people get the wrong impression. She gets tired of people asking her "what's wrong?" when she feels perfectly fine. Moral of the story: don't judge a book by its cover.
It's so funny to me that I am still learning about myself. I mean, basic stuff that has been apparent since I was a little kid! I'm 56 now and just figuring it out. "Duh!" everyone else must be thinking. For example, recently I asked my mom something about what I was like as a kid. I remember being very shy and, of course, nearly perfect. She said "well you always needed to be with friends and doing something." Really?? Huh... that surprises me, but makes sense. Wow. I didn't remember myself as being that way, but come to think of it, YES!
It explains some of the friction my husband and I experienced early in our marriage. He is a home-body to the nth degree. I am somewhat, but really.. maybe I'm not!
Today I went to church, came home, and just felt trapped! I thought about my husband: mostly he goes to work, and he comes home. He's happy with that routine. He socializes with colleagues while at work, and with friends he knew and has made on the bus, and with me at home. For him, that is enough. Not for me! After church I felt like I needed MORE. I wanted to be with people, and not just come home to the quiet. So, after I finished some chores, I went out for "lunch" by myself. (Does lunch happen at 3:30 p.m.?) I thought about how over the years I have kept myself busy with friends, just going out for fun, joining groups like quilt guild and lots of involvement at church. I have been satisfying that need I have to GO and DO and be with people. Husband has been happy to let me go and not have to accompany me. We did get this figured out after a while, and it ceased to be a bump in our marriage.
So anyway, I went out for "lunch," ate a yummy meal, enjoyed watching people and listening in on some of the conversations, and then I did a tiny bit of shopping. That was enough for me to satisfy my need to be with people. Now I am home and satisfied.
Moral of the story (if there is one): don't let silly problems cause undue friction in your marriage... they can be worked out and solved and understood if you have patience and if you work at it, and if you are willing to take a look inside yourself for better understanding.
Parenting is hard work!!! It ain't for sissies. I'm thinking I might be of the sissy variety. Hubby and I are mulling over our decision to go for foster/adoption training. My honest gut feeling is, I don't think we are the right types for this kind of commitment. I want to be that kind of person, but I know I'm really not. So I'm fessing up that it may not happen as I announced a while back. I am hoping we/I can figure out a meaningful way to be involved without taking that enormous step. We see the need and want to respond, but how we respond is still up in the air. Stay tuned for the developing story. If you are a parent of any kind (bio, foster, adoptive, unofficial) stop what you are doing and give yourself a big hug and pat on the back for your hard work, love, and commitment you have poured into your child/children.
I'm doing the Humble Dance over the blocks I made today - pictures above. ("I rock, I rule, I'm really really cool") I love how they turned out.
Are you still here, still reading? Thank you for visiting my blog and letting me jabber at you!