Sunday, March 22, 2009

Thoughts on a Sunday

Thought #1:
I have learned that it is impossible to see into another person's heart and mind just from looking at the person's face. Too many of us, me included, will see someone with what we perceive to be a grumpy face, and jump to conclusions about what that person is communicating. It happened again today, to someone who is the nicest person - smart, caring, and thoughtful - but has a natural scowly face. Another person thought Scowly was giving her the "evil eye." When I figured out who she meant, I just had to laugh. No way! This happens to my sister a lot, too. She is an intense person and "listens very hard" when people are speaking to her. It makes her appear angry, and people get the wrong impression. She gets tired of people asking her "what's wrong?" when she feels perfectly fine. Moral of the story: don't judge a book by its cover.

Thought #2:
It's so funny to me that I am still learning about myself. I mean, basic stuff that has been apparent since I was a little kid! I'm 56 now and just figuring it out. "Duh!" everyone else must be thinking. For example, recently I asked my mom something about what I was like as a kid. I remember being very shy and, of course, nearly perfect. She said "well you always needed to be with friends and doing something." Really?? Huh... that surprises me, but makes sense. Wow. I didn't remember myself as being that way, but come to think of it, YES!

It explains some of the friction my husband and I experienced early in our marriage. He is a home-body to the nth degree. I am somewhat, but really.. maybe I'm not!

Today I went to church, came home, and just felt trapped! I thought about my husband: mostly he goes to work, and he comes home. He's happy with that routine. He socializes with colleagues while at work, and with friends he knew and has made on the bus, and with me at home. For him, that is enough. Not for me! After church I felt like I needed MORE. I wanted to be with people, and not just come home to the quiet. So, after I finished some chores, I went out for "lunch" by myself. (Does lunch happen at 3:30 p.m.?) I thought about how over the years I have kept myself busy with friends, just going out for fun, joining groups like quilt guild and lots of involvement at church. I have been satisfying that need I have to GO and DO and be with people. Husband has been happy to let me go and not have to accompany me. We did get this figured out after a while, and it ceased to be a bump in our marriage.

So anyway, I went out for "lunch," ate a yummy meal, enjoyed watching people and listening in on some of the conversations, and then I did a tiny bit of shopping. That was enough for me to satisfy my need to be with people. Now I am home and satisfied.

Moral of the story (if there is one): don't let silly problems cause undue friction in your marriage... they can be worked out and solved and understood if you have patience and if you work at it, and if you are willing to take a look inside yourself for better understanding.

Thought #3:
Parenting is hard work!!! It ain't for sissies. I'm thinking I might be of the sissy variety. Hubby and I are mulling over our decision to go for foster/adoption training. My honest gut feeling is, I don't think we are the right types for this kind of commitment. I want to be that kind of person, but I know I'm really not. So I'm fessing up that it may not happen as I announced a while back. I am hoping we/I can figure out a meaningful way to be involved without taking that enormous step. We see the need and want to respond, but how we respond is still up in the air. Stay tuned for the developing story. If you are a parent of any kind (bio, foster, adoptive, unofficial) stop what you are doing and give yourself a big hug and pat on the back for your hard work, love, and commitment you have poured into your child/children.

Thought #4:
I'm doing the Humble Dance over the blocks I made today - pictures above. ("I rock, I rule, I'm really really cool") I love how they turned out.

Thought #5:
Are you still here, still reading? Thank you for visiting my blog and letting me jabber at you!


Living on the Spit said...

Jabber away any time you need to...You are a very wise woman and I learn a lot from you.

Quilt Pixie said...

isn't it odd how sometimtes others know us better than we do -- yet at other times they need to accept that what they see is the outside, not the whole story. A true balancing act. One that plays out in marriage, in child rearing, in every relationship in some way I think. Best to take others input, but at the end of the day be reflective and see if it fits -- 'cause you gotta live with yourself! :-)

Torina said...

Opposites attract. JB is the one who needs people and I could hide away in the woods for the rest of my life and just talk to him and I'd be happy. I'm always reading. Love your blocks!!

Beth said...

Nice post Carol. Dh and I had some of the same issues...but he was the one that would feel trapped... He is "married" to his place of work... and now I have to realize what a special thing that is...remind me to tell you a story that I told Penny the other will see what I mean about dh!

Kim said...

Keep chatting Carol. The more you share the more I get to know you the better I like you...running on words...hugs!

True Blue Nana said...

Loved your post. Thought #1, I find this is so true. I remember one particular student that looked like he could eat nails. I stood up to him and he was putty in my hands. Parenting is such hard work and it never ends. My children are supposedly "grown" but still require parenting. The hardest though is when you have to parent your parent. Your blocks are great by the way.

Lindah said...

Carole, thanks for sharing your insights. They do double duty...they help me to know you better (and I like what I'm learning about you!)...and they help me when applied to my life.
Your blocks turned out super!


Tracey in CT said...

Carol, if you think the foster parent thing is not quite what you want, maybe you'd enjoy being a big sister or something like that! You'll find something that satisfies you and works for your might take a while, but you'll get there eventually.

quiltmom said...

HI Carol,
I loved the post - I am the homebody in my house and my husband is the social one- I enjoy pondering about the things- It must be the season of reflection- or maybe it is the weather - we had a spring snowstorm in Alberta today and was a nice day to putter indoors..
I think your blocks are very pretty-
Thanks for sharing your thoughts<

Wendy said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, good stuff ... and your blocks look terrific!

Darcie said...

Very fulfilling food for thought. Thanks, Carol! You do rock! ;-)

SubeeSews said...

I am the serious, stern faced person that always looks as if something must be wrong. But inside I am so very content. I guess I listen very hard and imagine what people really mean not what the actually say. Did you read in Quilter's Home mag about comments people say about quilts and what they REALLY mean? A hoot!
I am also a homebody and luckily so is my hubby. (he is hubby#2-first one was a party animal)
Love your blog. You are such a wise woman!

Patricia said...

Good for you for KNOWING who you are!!! That is important and necessary (I think) if we are to live our life to it's fullest.

I look forward to reading your blog each day---I always come away with a thought or smile.

Love you blocks as well.

Mary said...

I'm an *intense* listener too and when I was working, I tended to focus on work not a lot of chitchat and I know there were people who didn't think I was very friendly.

3:30 is a perfectly appropriate time for lunch. Since I'm not working outside the house, there are some days I just have to go out - esp. when Keith is traveling and I don't see anyone but the dog for 2-3 days. I went out today around 4:30 for an early dinner and then to the coffee shop for a while. Sometimes I like being alone in the middle of a crowd.

Andrea said...

Good luck as you and your hubby figure out the best way for you to be involved. It sounds like you are both being honest & reflective, so you'll find your way.

Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts.