Monday, September 20, 2010


I met my husband at college. We started dating openly. We were inseparable for our last three years in college. We got to hold hands, walk arm and arm, and even kiss in public. No one beat us up or threatened us or even mocked us for being in love. Our love and our marriage never became political issues. Why should they? Love is happiness. Love and marriage are what is expected of us. Love is a gift from God.

Why is this different for people who happen to be gay? I can't imagine the fear. I never had to feel scared about my feelings. I was a girl who liked guys. I had crushes. I didn't have to pretend I didn't. I could talk to my friends about my crushes. I didn't have to feel scared in locker rooms. I didn't have to worry about what it meant that I was having crushes on the "wrong" people. I can't imagine what that is like. Many people who are gay say they knew it about themselves by age 3, or age 6, or age 9. Can you imagine how scary that feels?

Love shouldn't be scary, and marriage should be a happy thing for anyone who is lucky enough to find love. I don't understand why gay marriage is such a big fear of so many people. What harm is it doing if my neighbor guys love each other and want to marry each other? It doesn't threaten my family in any way. It doesn't weaken the status of marriage. In fact, in my eyes it strengthens it.

The local Catholic powers-that-be are sending a DVD to every Catholic in our state, urging them to take a stand against gay marriage. Why? Do they prefer to force gay people into promiscuity and sneakiness? You would think they would support the idea of commitment, taking a vow to stay together and make a marriage. Isn't that better for our society than forcing people to hide and sneak?

I don't understand it. I guess I've been lucky enough to know lots of openly gay people so that I could learn that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to fear. Fear comes from not knowing or understanding something. The people who are so anti-gay probably don't know many gay people... to clarify: they do know gay people, but the gay people have sensed that they need to tread carefully, so the anti-gay people have not been lucky enough to get to really know them and love them as friends, teachers, helpers, and role models.

I know... there are passages in the Bible that people always quote. Well, I am a practicing Christian, too, but I rely more strongly on the passages where Jesus tells us to love one another and to accept and welcome strangers and to be kind, and hospitable and to "do unto others..."

I could start quoting Bible passages that many anti-gay people are famous for ignoring... adultery? (It's EASY to finger-point on countless non-gay Christians who have violated THIS one.) You name a Bible "rule" and one can point out how people have chosen to ignore it. We all need to stop being such hypocrites.

I think the important rules are the ones that give us an overall guide to how we should live: love one another, be kind, be accepting, be non-judgmental. We should celebrate love as a gift from God, no matter who it happens to. If we could do that, we wouldn't need to be so scared of our gay neighbors and waste time, money, and energy on worrying about their marriages.


Beth said...

Are the Catholics really doing that? Oh my what a waste of time and money!

I wonder why the urgency on this topic?

To be honest... I think there is a time and place for open intimacy for ALL people and couples... So that is the only time I shudder...when "we" carry it too far...

Anyway.. many years ago my dds had a CD burning party...maybe the Catholics can have a DVD burning party!

Yvette said...

All I hear is how the church needs money for the poor, etc....... if they are really sending these DVD's out I will be at the burning party.

oldbatt said...

This has been my problem with the Catholic Church for so long - they are hypocrites in so many aspects (divorce, adultery, etc. and money is the bottom line even for them) that I have gotten away from any church and agree that we should all just love each other and try and get along. I'm pretty sure I am not on their mailing list! Good! Best, Lisa

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Truly; thanks for sharing this post. How sad that my family and my relationship of almost twenty years are actively targeted by a campaign of hate and fear. I would expect this of an individual whose momma didn't raise him any better...but to be the focus of such planned and organized hate by a church just breaks my heart. It's hard to explain to my children how people hate but say they are following Christ. I don't get it. I count my blessings that I live in a state where all families are valued.

Jill said...

Great post, Carol - thanks for sharing. It's a troubling situation - every aspect of it. I said a prayer earlier this week for Catholics who are trying to reconcile the peace and comfort they find in practicing their religion, and who are not supportive of this tactic. I believe it's purely politically motivated, and it's incredibly sad those with deep pockets are using the church in this way. I hear about the buying of academia all the time at the U - this is basically buying the church to spread fear. It's sad. Hopefully there will be a positive outcome, in some way. God loves us all! Period.

Michele Bilyeu said...

Beautifully written. Bless you for your support of equal rights for all. I pray the day will come when we all have love in our hearts and not fear and judgment.